Can't catch up

Does it ever feel like you just can't catch up?  Like no matter what you do or how you rearrange the schedule, you are always 5 steps behind?  That is my life right now.   Between paramedic school, clinicals, Anatomy class, 3 kids and their activities, my work, my hubs work (he has 2 jobs and I am about to start a second) and normal everyday housework, I feel like I need 4 of me.  This week,especially, all I want to do is hide in bed and cry.  I am feeling so overwhelmed, and lacking the confidence to complete it all.  Some days, I feel like the world's worst wife and mother, because I can't keep up and I am always exhausted.  Not to mention the fact that I can't get my kids in a bigger house so that we are not all on top of each other and we have our own space.  And then I had the gall to go and get sick this week.  Not just, I have the sniffles and don't feel good, but an all out case of vertigo and an ear infection.  The world goes topsy-turvy on me every time I am not lying down.  NOT FUN!

Now I am just whining, and I should stop, but I needed to get it all out.  If anyone has a spare cup of confidence and energy, send it my way please.  I am going to need it these next couple of months!!

Becoming an obsession

I started this blog MONTHS ago and really tried to stay on it.  It didn't work.  My world became so busy and I have NO clue what I am doing.  But lately, blogging (or following blogs) is becoming an obsession.  I have recently just started following four more blogs and am now feeling like I should find my funny side again to keep up with these fabulous people. 

I blame this blog for getting me started.  If it wasn't for you Annette, I would have never been introduced to the blogging world and found all of these great people to follow!  Thanks girl! :)

I also started a Twitter account!  Like I need one more thing in my life to distract me.  (come follow me: @Medicmomma510)  See?  I am shamelessly pimping myself out to you people.  And I am enjoying every minute of it. 

Now I am off to start that Marketing paper that is due this evening....anyone of you wonderful writers want to do it for me??  Come on, I know you do!

Discovering why

I am huge fan of the Scary Mommy world.  For those of you who know nothing about that, if you are a mom, you SHOULD.  You can find her here.  While pursuing my Scary Mommy world I found another blog, a blog with a section about the six things you shouldn't do if you suffer from postpartum depression. You can find that here.  While reading this post I discovered why I can't shake this....I am doing all of these!!  My twins are almost 2 (sad) and I still feel like crap most days.  I am exhausted and don't want to get out of bed most days.  My house is a wreck and my school work is suffering.  Not to mention the "I hate being a mom" mentality I have had for the last few days.  After reading this blog it mostly makes sense.  I still watch scary movies, and I am in a paramedic clas,s so I am discussing horrible things everyday.  I procrastinate regularly, (wish I didn't)  and I REALLY have an overscheduled life.  Mom, student, wife, worker bee.  All of which I can never focus on completely and that makes me feel like a failure.

I am trying to make it through this hell that is mental illness.  I feel like talking about it helps a little.  This blog helps a lot, but I always feel like I on here whining.  So I vow to try and stop that. Tomorrow. ;)

So tonight instead of watching CSI or SVU, I will find Glee and Gleek myself out.  Instead of procrastinating that kitchen clean up until tomorrow I will do it tonight.  And instead of wishing I could just be me again, I will read a book to my little ones and enjoy the cuddle time!

Doing the hard stuff!

This weekend was a tough one for a lot of those people I call friends.  The world lost a shining star in a tragic car accident last week and Sunday afternoon she was laid to rest.  Now I know that love and loss is an everyday occurrence, but this incident was especially tragic.  Not only because a 22 year old new teacher lost her life, but also because of the man that was there to help her. 

I am training to do a job that most think is crazy, or unthinkable.  I am learning to put my emotions aside and do the job and yet I am not sure that I could have done that, were I in his situation.  A very strong man, responded to a very horrific car crash, and then realized that it was one of his good friends in that car.  He very gently and very honorably helped remove her from that car, knowing there was no way to save her.  THAT my friends, is the definition of a friend, hero and paramedic in my book.

Hearing this story, I pictured myself, mother, wife, friend, and wondered if I could do the same.  Would I be able to suck in my emotions long enough to be that paramedic?  I am being taught to be that person, so I hope that I could.  Because in the end, you want someone you love taking care of you, watching over you, and helping you.

Go home tonight, kiss your children and your spouse/significant other.  Call mom or dad, let them know what they mean to you.  And then call that paramedic or firefighter or police officer that you know and tell them thank you.  Our jobs are tougher than you realize sometimes.