Saturday, October 8, 2011

Discovering why

I am huge fan of the Scary Mommy world.  For those of you who know nothing about that, if you are a mom, you SHOULD.  You can find her here.  While pursuing my Scary Mommy world I found another blog, a blog with a section about the six things you shouldn't do if you suffer from postpartum depression. You can find that here.  While reading this post I discovered why I can't shake this....I am doing all of these!!  My twins are almost 2 (sad) and I still feel like crap most days.  I am exhausted and don't want to get out of bed most days.  My house is a wreck and my school work is suffering.  Not to mention the "I hate being a mom" mentality I have had for the last few days.  After reading this blog it mostly makes sense.  I still watch scary movies, and I am in a paramedic clas,s so I am discussing horrible things everyday.  I procrastinate regularly, (wish I didn't)  and I REALLY have an overscheduled life.  Mom, student, wife, worker bee.  All of which I can never focus on completely and that makes me feel like a failure.

I am trying to make it through this hell that is mental illness.  I feel like talking about it helps a little.  This blog helps a lot, but I always feel like I on here whining.  So I vow to try and stop that. Tomorrow. ;)

So tonight instead of watching CSI or SVU, I will find Glee and Gleek myself out.  Instead of procrastinating that kitchen clean up until tomorrow I will do it tonight.  And instead of wishing I could just be me again, I will read a book to my little ones and enjoy the cuddle time!

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